Heartland Values

I caught this blerb over at NashvilleIsTalking.com (where I find many funny items these days, go figure), in a post by weekend guest-blogger, Nashville Knucklehead. He'd found this at a blog named Six Meat Buffet (which, I know, sounds a bit like Toby Petzold's short description of his dream date with those three-peckered billy goat twins). This is Preston Taylor Holmes, who, while conducting a yard sale, just had to liveblog it to boast about his mad lyin' skillz:

I was just made for sales. I think I should change careers. I just got rid of two books by lying through my teeth about how great they were. Chumps.

Notice how proud Preston seems that his lying skills can earn him some pocket change? Well, I noticed that, too, and thought, "Y'know, this anecdote illustrates perfectly the much-trumpeted 'values' of the GOP better than anything I've seen in some time."

Sure, it sounds silly -- who cares about some winger, sitting in a lawn chair on a nice, spring day, and lying to someone, so he can unload a couple of paperbacks for a quarter (if that)? I sure don't -- but I found it interesting that Preston Taylor Holmes cared enough about his lying skills that he had to braggart-blog it, live from the event. And his reward? Not enough money to buy something from the Big Bell Value Menu. You probably have more money under your sofa cushions.

What's so funny (besides the pride Preston parades, here) to me is also this realization: Wingers lie when they don't even have to lie -- remember the bullshit story about the British Airways jetliner, who spotted Air Force One, on its way to Iraq? Supposedly, they nearly scotched the trip, because one of the crew got his knickers so moist that he radioed the fact back to... well, I suppose it was to air traffic control, somewhere, but I don't honestly remember. Turns out that story was as fake as the plastic turkey that Bush served the troops when he got to Iraq on that epaulet-encrusted, Members Only-jacketed trip. Why wouldn't the truth have served, instead of this lie? Because the simple truth wouldn't have made Bush look like a bold, unbowed leader, flying into the maw of awaiting Iraqi SAM batteries that the British Airways crew had tipped off (damn their traitorous, Islomfascist hides!).

Yes, lying for personal gain is definitely a Beelzebublican "value." Preston Taylor Holmes couldn't have said, "I didn't like those books, but here's the basic storyline; maybe you'll like it," and you know why?

Because getting a couple of coins isn't worth being honest... but it certainly makes it worthwhile to lie.
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