I Was Brutally Attacked By Obama Supporters!

It was bound to happen.

I was out stealing McCain/Palin signs last night, and I've been riding past a lot of construction sites on the Vino; there's a lot of remodeling going on over in West Meade. Sure enough, I picked up a big-assed nail in my brand new front tire, last night. I didn't have my cell with me, so I set out on foot to Post Rd., and over to Lion's Head, to use a pay phone. I have free towing on both scooters -- all I had to do is call, and they'd take it straight over to ESS for me.

I laid my stolen sign (I only found one!) in the floorboard, and started walking down Hillwood. I was wearing my geeky "optic yellow" safety vest, since it was dark and overcast.

I hadn't gotten 50 ft. from the scooter, and a car stops beside me, its window rolling down.

"Young man, can I offer you a ride?"

"Yes, ma'am -- I'd appreciate it. I just need to go to Lion's Head Plaza to use a phone."

She waves me into her late-model Lincoln. She tells me she was going to Office Max @ Lion's Head to return a printer, anyway.

"Would you mind helping me get it out of my trunk, and carrying it into the store?" Hey, sounds good to me... after all, it's not every night a 60+ year-old lady will pull over to pick up a big stranded guy in a leather jacket.

We pull into the lot, beside the Office Max, which seems a little odd... there's several parking spots close to the door, but whatever. We get out, she pops the trunk. I lift the trunk, and see nothing the size of a printer. Next thang I know, I'm in a choke hold, and I smell chloroform.

I'm a goner.

One of the Office Max people who was leaving for the night saw me laying in the parking lot, and revived me. He asked if he should call 911, etc., but I just thanked him, and asked if I could use a phone. He introduced himself as Amir the Office Max Clerk; I told him I was Jeff the Scooter Guy. He handed over his cell phone, and complimented my haircut, which I thought nothing of -- he was a young guy with a close-crop, too. I call the MTS folx, and tell them where to pick me and the scooter up, and away we go.

When I finally got home, I discovered what Amir and later, Bill the Tow-Truck Driver were talking about:

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So, beware... it could happen to you!
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