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Internet 30 minutes at a time, for now (and using Internet Explorer, of all thangs). Watch for my book in early 2016.  ;)

Made it from Day 0 to Day 8, the latter of which is where my story will start. Gotta go a little Tarintino on ya just to keep things fresh and non-linear.

Can you believe I'm wearing a 34" waist in jeans, today?  I cannot, I tell you now. I haven't been this skinny since senior year of high school, 34 years ago. Even these jeans need a belt if I am to walk (and I will have walked 5-10 miles by day's end, today; I should retrieve Wanda, tomorrow).

Is all well?  Well, no. But they are improving vastly, I must say. Not terribly thrilled with the whole idea of AA meetings seven nights/week to keep a roof overhead, but it beats being eaten by a grue, I suppose. That's how I like to imagine it, anyway. My first meeting was last night, and hey, guess what?  Everyone had to speak to the new guy, telling him how they'd all be running screaming at the evening's topic, which was the Magic Guy in the Sky. Parachutes, open minds... but skepticism, as you know is my natural state.

THANK all of you, and THANK THE FSM that I have friends like you. You especially, Ivy. :) Bob, nashvegasdawg, Sallyh, bluesman and Ed -- damn, I have no words, but I'll find them, soon. I'm going to do better after this reboot, and that's my promise to YOU.

I hope DWD and TV are doing much better, as well as jude9 and any others who I've lost track of in the last couple of weeks. You're all dear to me, and I hope you know that. I'll try to stay in touch here when I can. I can't recall the credentials for CatopiaTN.com just now, but as I have no cats, well... yeah. Progress will be made.
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What Do It Mean?

Inscrutable!
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Winning!

Okay. It's just $14, but not too shabby in a five day span.
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I Love This Town

I'm on break, btw.

UPDATE: Smalls Court, too!
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These Are Not The Projects You Are Looking For

Well, it's about effin' time,  don't ya think?!
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Says It Best

Not my favorite album by them, but one of the best bands EVAR, IMO.
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A Selection of Choice Word Salad

I can find something in a burrito. Walgreens. Best deal out of _The Sopranos_. | If its name could be Guy Pierce. You couldn't fool your mother on cabloid news. | Nope. Never is sucking it, actually. Not just haven't seen one, but cloudy here for the money stream... | Rainbow Twoutrage! THANK YOU, thank you, y'know. I'm here in a proud new birther theory, web site in. | Um... I want to help obscure the cats. Been workin' all this time, now my scooter ride, earlier! | He said back, I'm never invited to be there an electrical fooling machine. Fug, fug, fug.

We had to come out there. John Belushi. Hey, thanks for the past 48 hours, but... HALP? Crazee 'coma. | Cain't. Don't tug on cabloid news. | It was thinking outside the SKY, now? That's My Bush! Exploiting your feed to fuck back, I'm the scooter! | Thanks to check your mother on the money! | You couldn't fool me, but I thought I was hopin' to sell you kids. Well, okay, then. Poodle. | We had no way, no excuse NOT to bite my scooter ride cupcake on the creepiest family EVAR?

Belle Meade against sanctimonious jerks? | Um... I do goats. That's pretty much it, actually. Not much cooler, which I was gonna see if you see. | Anyone know better! iv) DIY. Then again, I'm never invited to be human. Echo sucks. | The cold sucked, but maybe you at 11:30. Be gassed by then! Sunday will be good woman. | I was hopin' to have my skull stoved in. Enjoy my own eye. And cover any confusion. | Emerson, Lake and privacy settings every month is sucking it, yeah. Get some of TEN scooters. | Oh, thanks! Twhirl is as I like a gooder one! Of course not. | Holy Crap. Anyway, cannot relate to your DMs, sometime. Maybe it's come up at all the violence of purty.
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It Is To Laugh

I pity the fool that don't phone home!
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Check Your Chicken

The poor kid above just had cradle cap, but... because of the suggestion that we might barter poultry for healthcare from U.S. senatorial candidate Sue Lowden, this kid's about to have his brain sucked out by the mutant chicken who's been hanging out in some radiology department for Christ-knows-how-long.

Ms. Lowden actually said:

Let's change the system and talk about what the possibilities are. I'm telling you that this works... you know, before we all started having health care, in the olden days, our grandparents, they would bring a chicken to the doctor. They would say "I'll paint your house."

I'll paint your house. No shit.

Patient: Uh, doc? I don't have any money. But I have a chicken. And, by the way, I'm a hell of a house painter.

Doctor: Well, my house's exterior is imported Italian stone, so it really doesn't need painting.

Patient: What about the interior?

Doctor: Do you have kids?

Patient: Uh... what?

Doctor: Do you have kids? I mean, YOU'RE not going to be able to paint the interior of my 8000 square-foot house when I need it in four years, not with this illness YOU have, and DEFINITELY not with the treatment that I am willing to give you for a mere promise of a paint job in four years.

Patient: Um...

The invisible hand of the free market just went up your ass to the elbow!
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The Black Helicopters

... now have to keep track of taint chips, believe it or not.

I'm sure she was under oath, so it MUST be true!
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BusyBusyBusy

Busy day, so there may be some Curly and Larry later, but maybe not. So click the photo above, and hazcheeseburger!
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Another Extreme Video Moment

In the fine tradition of this video, we take the opposite tack and add some wild to what was once mild.

h/t to The Old Man From Scene 24.
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The Most Unintentionally Hilarious Quote Of The Century

Palin's view of nuclear weapons was shaped by her stint as the commander in chief of the Alaskan National Guard, our first line of defense against Soviet nuclear weapons. Obama has held his same views since he was a stoner college student and has showed no signs of maturing.

UPDATE: I'm sorry; this guy really can't compete with this in the unintentionally-funny category; I'd forgotten about this one, but I literally burst out laughing for days after, just thinking about it.

UPDATE II: D'oh!! Scratch UPDATE I! That guy wrote that intending to be funny! SOMBITCH! Confederate Yankee's claim is safe!!!

UPDATE III: It took until 3:27 p.m CDT, but Confederate Yankee finally had enough ridicule for one day, and deleted all the comments on the post. You missed out (until I find where someone has surely saved them for posterity).
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CurlyZilla, Furrilla

By request. Like I had something better to do.
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Best. Video. EVAR.

Hat tip to cahuenga.
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I'm A Terrorist

According to Glenn Beck, at least.

Funny Link Of The Day

LOFUCKINGL

h/t ThinlyVeiled.
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Oh, HILARIOUS

I've heard of hate-fucking, but man... that's a thing of beauty.
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Obviously!

h/t to Plum P!
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Start The Clock

... 'cause you KNOW Something Awful is about to come out about Mooselina by the network news hour, today.
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