The Karmic Debt Repayment Plan

Part One (of... However Many It Takes, Baby)
Accountability: No, Seriously. Stop Laughin'!

I don't think we should see each other (as much), anymore (okay -- for a while). No, no -- don't cry. It's nothing you did. It's me. I gotta work on me, dammit, Jim!

Wait a minnit. Did I say that last part, out loud? Oh, my. Does that make me... gay?

Okay, enough already with the cheap laughs. Let's get to it, shall we?

Being generally offline for these last few weeks has really fired up my thinkbone in a positive manner. I hope I've still managed to be sociable when I have some signal, but I'm really quite distracted by the Innertubes, these days. However, in recent weeks, it's been a distraction in what I think is a better direction. I've been spending more and more of my 'net time actively researching new, unexplored and less conventional ways of looking at, and solving the Big Elephant In The Room. No, not that one -- although, with any luck and a slight breeze, that one'll limp to bed tonight with a freshly rosy heinie, too.

No; what I'm seriously talking about is my dismal employment history, June, 2003 to present.

There's just no excuse for it. I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore! Dang it, I'm of at least average intelligence (not to mention the boyish good looks, hubba-hubba -- see, I'm definitely at least gay for myself... I really turn me on), and possess in no small measure the ability to think creatively. More importantly, standing alongside me, I have the biggest hearts and the best brain trust anyone could ever hope to have. Yeah -- (collectively) I'm talkin' about you and your friends, you lovable leftie, you. ;)

Because time's a wastin', let me again thank you fine folx from the bottom of my heart for all of your help, and good wishes. Your generosity is nothing short of stupendous, but I'm determined to at least take those first baby steps to balance the karmic ledger, starting today. It's a good, symbolic day for it, methinks... and it'll be a victory no craven assholes can begin to steal from me, either, so there's that. Today, I win.

So, forgive me if I don't hang out at the old haunts as much in the next few weeks -- just know that from today forward, for ever leisurely hour I spend on the 'net socializing with you, I'll be spending at least eight hours grabbing reality by the scruff, shaking it firmly (but politely), and hollerin' at it: "Unacceptable!" [stamps feet, smacks reality around just a little bit, straightens its mussed clothing, and shakes its hand].

So, Part One -- Accountability, and how it applies to me, viz-a-viz, you:

Here's what your recent generous gifts are going towards in coming days, in this order:

1.) November's rent, which is due on 11/19. Yes, you good people have again provided me with enough to cover rent (and a bit more, actually), and I'm astounded at your continuing sharing of your wealth;

2.) Bus fare to see the pastor at this church, as soon as I can arrange such a meeting. I'm going to reach out to him, because I feel, just from what I've read about his ministry, that his outlook on spiritual matters encompasses a hugely pragmatic approach to solving social problems, and that deeply resonates with my own thoughts on these matters. I'll know more whether I'm over-extrapolating after I have an opportunity to speak with him, I'm sure. I've sent him an e-mail, briefly explaining why I'd like to talk to him, and asked him if there would be a good time for me to call, or for us meet at the church (in my neighborhood) this week, or soon, at his convenience.

Then, if everything works out (the contract job for ErinPDX's folx -- and no, I haven't forgotten, Ms. PDX... I will send you the promised e-mail, with file(s), by week's end, after a few more tweaks -- and/or the sale of the Carvin Holdsworth H1 prototype I have on consignment at Gruhn's would make these things a certainty)...

3.) A used, but serviceable bicycle from Goodwill, etc.;
4.) A kickass lock for the first item;
5.) Some inexpensive but serviceable all-weather/wet-weather gear (I defer to the brain trust on all these items, if anyone's so inclined to offer advice).

This will allow me to get quickly and easily to/from the bus stop without the ever-present fear of blue lights in my rearview mirror (plus, on nice days, I might just take the bike anywhere I need to go), which would likely end up with my car being impounded by the local constabulary, and eventually sold at auction by their officials to cover the impound fees. I'd rather that not happen, but I risk it every time I go to get groceries, or catch the bus, and it's not healthy for me to live with even that few minutes of dread in any given week. I don't think being busted for continuing to drive under the sanctions I face now is a "hangin' offense," and I doubt it would even entail an arrest, but... why risk it? The MTA buses all have bike racks on the front, now, so the bike thang seems a very practical and smart solution.

And really -- if I could live without a car, wouldn't that be great, anyway? I think so. Even if I should get a really awesome job, why put all that money into further war to secure foreign oil, the destruction of our environment, the financial enrichment of crooked insurance companies, etc.? With a decent job, I could be extravagant, and maybe get a small scooter (hi, Vestal Vespa!) for short trips to/from a bus stop, or to a store, anywhere in this town. On the smaller ones (under 100 or so cc, I think) in TN, one needn't even have a operator's license to ride, legally -- just a helmet and eye protection.

Now, this may by pie-in-the-sky-WiFi-sci-fi, but... if there's incredibly good luck, and there's enough left over at the end of the day after what I've outlined above, I might see if I could acquire some type of WiFi capability for my obsolete (yet functional) Sony Clié S-360 handheld PDA... maybe there's something that fits the Memory Stick slot. And, the thing's just old enough that maybe someone will have a dirt-cheap solution on eBay, having upgraded to something more contemporary. With a bike, and increased mobility, this might really come in handy to keeping me connected in a simplified, yet quick and highly-functional way. I didn't put this down as an absolute, 'cause I'll need to weigh the cost/benefit on this. I can only imagine what kind of cryin' I'd have to do if I took even a minor spill on a bike, carting the Dr. Shouty-Crackers Coalition notebook, though... and none of us want that.

I guess I just feel like I've been trying too hard to ration and conserve too many of my resources, where I need to marshal them, instead -- and be bolder, more daring and more unconventional (yet as fiscally prudent, as needs dictate) where this job search is concerned. The Internet resume/application route is getting me nowhere, even with phone-, and in some cases, in-person follow-ups. The state agencies and the few faith-based agencies with whom I've been in contact have also not been effective. So, it's time to radically change the game plan, coach.

I'll be providing day-to-day, offline-later-to-be-online details as I work through the karmic ledger (I dig the focus that I get, typing all this shit up, offline, really). Please, I beg of you -- practice tough love with me on this, folx -- if I seem to not be pulling my weight on this, slap me around a little bit and keep me as focused as I am in this moment. It'll be the kindest thing you could ever do for me, 'cause once I get a job -- any job -- everything gets better from there. And then, the real balancing of the karmic ledger can begin, in earnest.

UPDATE: My Election Day? Really fun, batshit-insane, you-won't-believe-the-story, up shortly, or tomorrow (it's not typed up, yet -- I've been busy!). Lost wallets, Vietnamese naturalized citizens, rain out the wazoo, rain out the wazoo all day long, walking in said rain out the wazoo, far too long, a crazy old guy on a bike... that was all before noon! I could only laugh out loud at the luck and the absurdity and the lessons of every single minute of it. Hopefully, you will, too. BIG CHANGES are a comin', everywhere, and it's very, very good stuff. I'll be back to discuss, later, but for now, I've got a lot of ground to cover today... the good news is that what I'm out and about doing this morning is going to pretty much enable me to go and do whatever whenever I need to do, just about any time. Yep -- I'm getting a bicycle! In the meantime, Here's some new Curly to keep y'all simmered down. :)


♥