Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Dear Rebecca

I Am Not A Dick, but I play one on the Int3rtr0nz. In fact, I've been doing that for 25 years, come September. I do it quite well if I do say so myself (and I do).

Sincerely, I wish to help. I luuurve  Gawker Wonkette almost as much as Breaking Bad, so hopefully you will understand the gravity of this utterly untenable situation.

I'm not The Dick who wrote you about HNTP.com, but I could have been on the right day. I think I have an innate aversion to purple pixels, unless they're on a Ubuntu desktop wallpaper, where they are naturally, just fine. But, this is not the crux of the biscuit.

One of my bestest pals on the 'tubes writes for HNTPdotCOM, and it indeed saddens me to have to tell him that I am not commenting on his posts there because the site makes my eyes bleed purple panther piss, but The Truth is The Truth, and it is OUT THERE, so there it is. If he wrote instead for wonkette.com, I would comment on EVERY POST he made!  Even if I would never see those comments appear, as this seems to be the custom.

No, the Biscuitary Crux, as it were (and thank you for e-mailing me back when I first expressed my concerns lo these many weeks ago), is this:

Whoa.

Major Clue, here.

Fucking morans.

*facepalm*
WHOA.

This is seriously, completely NOT COOL, nor a HAPPY NICE TIME for PEOPLE.

This cancer is being injected via your advertisers (see #1-3), and I will help you be rid of it (identifying the culprits and allowing you to ask them kindly to knock it the fuck off), if you wish. I'll even do it FOR FREE, furilla. What I need is someone who can send me the code (assuming it isn't in the source I can already see; we'll test that, first), and some otherwise-inaccessible space (not much!) on yer server to do some non-destructive testing.

You know how to reach me. If we fix this, then we'll talk about big-ass purple graphics.  ;)

Also, the "race of men in the trees" quote makes me KNOW I am talking to one of My People.
.